A Christian psychotherapist’s appeal to LGBT-affirming Christian

I want to appeal to those Christians who are sympathetic to those who identify somewhere in the LGBT conglomeration, even those who adhere to the doctrine that marriage is only between a man and a woman. Yet, they view LGBT-identified individuals as a marginalized group deserving of compassion.

Some desire to remain doctrinally faithful while avoiding the hate from a particular strain of fundamentalism. And, of course, some have chosen progressive, revisionist theology that fully affirms the range of sexuality concepts within LGBT.

If I am giving the benefit of the doubt, I can see how Christians who fully or partially affirm LGBT self-concepts may do so out of a sincere desire to demonstrate compassion. Tiffany Arbuckle Lee, better known as the Christian music artist Plumb (one of my longtime favorites), comes to mind as an example. When June 1 rolled around, she posted on her Facebook page a rainbow with the following caption: “Happy Pride month! To all my LGBT brothers and sisters … I see and love you!”

At this point, I’m confident she’s far from the minority among artists in the Christian music scene; I’m sure most others are testing the winds before they make such public declarations of LGBT affirmation. I was not surprised by her position. Not only was she dropping hints over the past few years on her social media that she’s growing more critical of conservative theology and reevaluating norms of Evangelical Christianity, but I’m not surprised because I have always liked her as an artist. Listen to her albums, and you will hear carefully worded reflections on the pain and brokenness of the human experience. Her songs depict a heart for the hurting, which has always resonated with me. Here’s why.

I’m a psychotherapist — a trauma-informed one, to boot. In particular, I work with individuals with struggles over their sexuality. I started as an accountability partner to friends with sexual addiction struggles as a Christian college student. After interning at a counseling center specializing in various sexual issues, I launched a support group on campus for men dealing with past trauma. By God’s design, they all dealt with some sexual struggle, half of which would be same-sex. I ran that group for eight years. During graduate school, I experienced intense discrimination for the work I did.

I’m now certified in Reintegrative Therapy, a treatment approach for trauma and addictions using evidence-based interventions, which has been found safe and effective in helping people explore shifts in their sexuality. I consulted with Joseph Nicolosi Jr., whose father founded authentic Reparative Therapy. This therapy approach is probably misrepresented and revealed among liberals and conservatives. If I specialized in any other area, I could save myself much risk and controversy.

I share my background to point out that this is more than just a job. I care deeply for individuals with conflicts over their sexual attractions and identity. It infuriates me when I see Christians — including fellow conservatives with whom I agree so much — speak recklessly and harshly about sexuality struggles.

A particular stream in the church sees homosexuality only in terms of its sinfulness, some of which go so far as to insinuate that the person having same-sex attraction (SSA) experiences sinning idolatry just by suffering involuntary arousal sensations and intrusive same-sex thoughts. I can thus empathize with the impulse to assuage the burden on the person subjected to such insinuations.

But to those inclined toward LGBT affirmation, do you want to be an ally to those with sexual attractions and self-concepts that diverge from the norm? Do you want to demonstrate love, mercy, and grace? Excellent. Then please, listen to my plea.

I put my livelihood at risk working in the most controversial field of psychotherapy and ministry because my heart breaks when I hear the stories of men and women with SSA. I listen to stories of failed attachment with one or both parents, rejection by siblings and peers, shame for not fitting the culturally bound stereotypes of masculinity or femininity, contempt for their bodies, intense loneliness and anxiety, and sexual exploitation (to name just some common factors). The tendencies toward homosexuality or insecurity in their gender identity are derived from these experiences. But the self-examination required to work through those root issues is brutal.

When you go along with the narrative that people are “just gay” or “just trans.” You deny the impact that their experiences had on their sexual development; you are allying with the very wounds, developmental deficits, ingrained lies, and sin (both those committed against the person and those by the person) that cause the sexual brokenness you are affirming. It is akin to attempting to ally with a trauma survivor by celebrating the alcohol abuse or self-harm the person uses to cope with the trauma.

When you ally yourself with LGBT activism, you join the forces of darkness that seek to steal, kill, and destroy personal dignity, sexual integrity, and the hope of marital and sexual fruitfulness.

We default to LGBT affirmation because it eases the burden on ourselves to do the difficult work with them. If you want to be a faithful ally to their dignity and wholeness, get in the trenches and aid them in their healing process.

I care too much for men and women, and children, who endured developmental wounds, to see their progress in healing and reintegration derailed by a movement of misguided compassion.

In trauma treatment, we commonly say that trauma reactions (such as hypervigilance and flashbacks) are normal reactions to abnormal experiences. But we know that the trauma reactions are themselves disordered and lead to interference with living a safe, healthy, productive life.

A trauma-informed lens leads us to ponder questions like “What happened or failed to happen in your life?” Rather than “What’s wrong with you?” We don’t simply try to convince our clients that they’re “born that way.”

As trauma-informed professionals, we foster curiosity about the connection between the present and the past. We educate our clients to know what types of experiences are necessary for normative development so they can be aware of their own needs and vulnerabilities. We equip them to regulate their involuntary physiological and cognitive reactions; help them establish and enforce boundaries so their behaviors are prosocial, healing, and in line with their values; and wisely expose them to the experiences in the past that keep them bound to their distressing emotions and distorted beliefs.

If you fail to see the parallels to how we should address same-sex attractions and gender confusion, then you lack an awareness of the truth, goodness, and beauty of God’s design for us.

Yes, sexuality strugglers need compassion. And genuine understanding affirms the reality of God’s design while offering competent help to those who desire it.